Saying Goodbye
by ChibiEarth
Summary: It's time to say goodbye even if the heart is not ready for it. Inspired by the SAINW episode from TMNT '03 and written in loving memory of my grandfather. Major character death and so forth. Read at your own caution.


Title: Saying Goodbye

By: ChibiEarth (Amber/Kagome [NFA])

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance/Friendship, Season 11 Spoilers, Alternate Universe, Character Death,

Rating: FR13/PG13

A/N: This story has character death and romance or friendship; however you wish to view it.

This was written not long after Ziva left NCIS and before Bishop was introduced. It would now be considered an AU and post NCIS, I guess. Give or take a few years…

I wanted to share it here on my LJ since it is very personal to me and a story that I normally would not ever write. I've had a really bad year for 2013 and facing the loss of two people I love this year, withdrawing from school, depression, and health issues…this fanfiction was born. Hopefully when I find the time I'll post it over at FFdotnet and NFA.

Summary: It's time to say goodbye even if the heart is not ready for it. Inspired by the SAINW episode from TMNT '03 and written in loving memory of my grandfather.

x-x

There had always been a time when she could feel love, happiness, laughter, and since of a normal life. She had escape to Israel just for that. She thought her heart would no longer have to worry about feeling a since of pain and loss since she had chosen to stay in her home country.

The reasons she had chosen to stay in Israel was to avoid any small chance of her heart breaking anymore.

Ziva remembered watching Tony board the airplane and told her leaving her behind would be the biggest 180 degree turn in his life.

If that was how he felt before…did his life turn a massive 360 degrees when he found out?

She had received a call from Gibbs. She had yet to receive a phone call from Tony or Abby but she knew that their pain was equal if not almost greater than her own.

A sob escaped her mouth and grief flooded into her. Her heart felt heavy, as if someone had decided to drop a massive rock onto her chest and leave her trapped there. Recent memories flooded back into her mind…

_-Beep-_

_She tried to hide her excitement. She had not spoken a word to him since she made that one last phone call about him. Though she could not deny she was a bit excited to see an e-mail from Timothy McGee. The decision her to email him was a long and hard one. Though she had wanted to part the fastest and easiest way possible without communicating with people from NCIS…_

_She felt she owed McGee an apology and such; she struck up a conversation when she had gained the courage and broke past her broken heart to email him. Ziva had been careful to email Tim at his personal email address, making sure not to take the time to bother her friend at work._

_The woman vaguely wondered if Tim would email her back at all. However, she had sent the words she needed to send and her heart felt so much lighter. It cleared her conscious and she knew that no matter what, she had 'pled' her case and Tim would at least be thankful for a response._

_After browsing on the Internet for travel plans, looking for a destination to go visit in Europe (which, she hoped, would allow her to start ease that constant burning in her chest she seemed to feel so often), she was rather surprised to see a response back so quick._

_Tapping her Gmail account open, she felt her relief and dread enter stomach all at once. McGee had sent a response back. Closing her eyes for a second and rubbing her hand slowly over her heart, as if hoping it would alive the burning sensation there, she hit subject line of the email._

_Quickly reading over the email, it was probably some of the best words she had ever seen Timothy McGee write (and even Thom E. Gemcity). Yet, it was so simple and so him:_

'_Hey Ziva,_

_You do not need to explain anything to me. I knew you would contact me sometime in the future once you had a chance to find what you needed to find. Thank you for the email and if do not want to reply, I understand. Just remember that no matter where you are, you'll always have people that care for you here. _

_Wishing you the best,  
Timothy McGee'_

_That was the start of her continuing emailing her friend and the start of her healing process…however slow it would be she knew that she'd be okay…_

That had been one of many emails they had started to exchange back and forth that day. Ziva would often inquire how he was doing and how everyone else was doing. Slowly, she felt burn sensation in her chest start to simmer down over the course of months.

Clinging so hard to pillow her currently was letting her head rest against, her sobs seemed to echo in her mind…

x-x

Alcohol was definitely one of easiest ways to temporarily ease pain and help relieve the ability to feel anything. Gibbs worked slowly at the piece of wood he was currently craving into. He had long ago already dwelt his anger but even that was not helping stop the pain.

He had experienced so much loss in his life…why did he did have to lose one of the people who was his son?

The pain was immense and NCIS definitely had experienced so much of it but why did it have to be him?

Carefully putting his tool to the side he had in his hand, Gibbs chugged down the bourbon as if it was water and he was dying of thirst. He glanced over at the chair that was currently occupied with loud snores.

A thin smile almost appeared on his mouth.

Tony was sitting in a chair, hunched over leaning his head and hands on one of his shelves sleeping. It was an alcohol induced slumber but if it meant that DiNozzo would get some rest, he'd leave him there. No doubt in the morning his remaining agent would be mumbling about being sore and 'too old' to be sleeping in this manner, which was true an extent.

Tony had come over hours earlier, expressing his grief and wondering what he should say at the funeral. The conversation then quickly turned into Tony's grief succession…

"_Boss, I don't want the honor of being a pallbearer. Even if McGee would have volunteered to be one at my own funeral, I feel like someone worthy should be in that position…"_

_Tony noticed a pain filled sigh._

"_DiNozzo, come on…"_

"_No, Boss! Dammit it, why do all of the people we care about and work with seem to die. Jenny, Kate, Tim…it makes me believe Ziva had made the best decision to get out of this job while she had the chance!"_

"_Tony-"_

"_I mean, why of all people did our sweet little Timmy McGee," Gibbs noticed Tony seemingly refer to one of his nicknames with pain, "have to be one of the people to go. Death follows us around almost as much as it does Darth Vader."_

_Gibbs didn't even point out the movie reference to his agent. Of all of the references, science fiction would always be one of the ones that would bring pain, along with computers. _

_It was probably the first time in history that Gibbs stopped and stared at a computer in a loving manner, as if expecting the computer to suddenly have Tim pop out from the monitor. _

_Movement pulled Gibbs from his thoughts as he saw Tony sipping more of the bourbon. _

"_Tony, you'll be a pallbearer simply because I do not want to see you regret not doing it…" Gibbs finally responded with a firm yet gentle order to his agent. Tony nodded and moments passed in silence as both Gibbs continued to crave into the wood. He would make sure he got this done by morning. _

_After a long period of silence and no sounds escaping DiNozzo, the older man looked over to see his agent sleeping comfortably in the chair, head lying on the table._

Gibbs had pushed aside his own pain and let DiNozzo ramble all night about stuff like that as he knew it would help his agent fill better.

The funeral was in the morning Gibbs noted. Jimmy, Tony, and he were some of the pallbearers at the wish of McGee's family. He could vaguely recall John McGee asking his son's coworkers and some relatives of Tim.

Placing his now empty glass on the wood surface, the older man looked down at the craving he had just finished. Somehow, he could picture McGee off somewhere in the afterlife looking shocked at the craving, especially with the stuff represented on it.

Gibbs chuckled sadly at the picture in his mind, recalling mere weeks ago a conversation he had heard Tim talking to his sister at his desk at night, the phone on speaker. Apparently the young agent thought that the squadroom area was empty.

"_Tim, when I said you should babysit your nephew, I did not mean that he should start asking in public when is Batman going to punch the Joker. It is bad enough Andrew got him singing, 'Go, ninja, go!' Every time he goes to Dad's…"_

_A laugh escaped Tim's mouth and Gibbs heart swelled up in delight has he noticed the grin on his agent's face._

"_Jake is only five, Sarah. What possibly could be worse than him liking a few nerdy things?"_

"_Tim, I'm warning you. If my son comes back from Uncle Tim's place and is speaking Klingon I'll hurt you…"_

Gibbs had been rather surprised to learn that Tim's little sister had a young son and was married. Tim certainly had never mentioned it before. However, that would explain why at various times his agent would talk about needing time off to take of family issues.

He had always assumed it was because his agent's father had not been doing so well in health since he had been diagnosed with cancer.

Sighing and shaking his head to clear his mind, Gibbs sighed. It would do no good for him to attempt to sleep. He would not get any rest. Glancing one more time over at DiNozzo, Gibbs turned out of the basement to go upstairs for a few minutes.

x-x

It was a quiet morning, cold morning. Gibbs noticed Tim's family, along with a little boy standing at the graveside still, long after the services had ended. In the distance, he saw his team members standing off as well.

He stood at a distance taking a moment to express his own grief away from them before he walked over to collect them.

x-x

It had taken so much courage for her today. She had slipped into the memorial service in the back, being quick to be one of the last ones to enter and one of first to leave. She did not go forward to see her friend's body, even if it was an open casket funeral at the time.

_Ziva went the previous evening to the view of her friend's body. She had been careful to make sure that none of her friends and co-workers had seen her enter. A few workers at the funeral home seemed surprised, as they were closing in a mere ten minutes. If may seem cowardly to avoid her friends but Ziva just could not handle seeing them. In time she may possibly be able to but not now. _

_She rubbed her chest once again, trying to sooth the burning feeling there as she walked into the room where her friend was temporarily staying until the morning. _

_Ziva slowly entered the room and closed the door, to show that someone was currently with the body in the viewing room. Tears filled her eyes and she had not even looked over at Tim yet. Looking for a small distraction, she walked over to a stand to sign her name into the funeral book._

_Ziva placed the pen down slowly and finally turned around, this time walking over to her friend's casket. Her friend looked, peaceful. She slowly reached over and placed her hand on Tim's hand, gentling moving her hand over it._

_Tears started to fall and she could no longer contain the tears. The previous evening she had cried almost all of the tears she had but a few more still managed to escape._

"_Tim…I'm sorry…and I love you. Thank you…" was all she was able to say. Was it cowardly? Hardly. Her friend would not have wanted her to give a long speech but rather say what was on her heart. _

Now, as she stood in the far distance near trees, watched as she saw Gibbs approach a young boy. To her knowledge, it was the young nephew McGee had told her about in her emails. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she saw Gibbs approach, handing the boy some sort of wood craving.

Gibbs kneeled and talked to the boy for a few minutes as Ziva watched. To her surprise, Gibbs stood up and put his hand on the boy's shoulder as he looked off in her direction.

She smiled sadly at Gibbs and he waved off in the distance at her. She waved back and for a few long seconds, Gibbs eyed her before he turned and walked away.

x-x

It was a silent car ride for Sarah back from her brother's funeral. She glanced behind her as husband drove their car and looked at the item, finally getting a proper glance at it.

It was a picture frame designed together with wood that Gibbs had painted and put together himself. The picture frame was holding her brother's badge with a picture of Tim's service photo from NCIS.

Jake, her small boy, looked at her, "Mom, what does this say?"

Sarah wiped her eyes as she took the picture frame, reading the words craved into it allowed, "'Timothy McGee: Small body, big brains, heart of a lion, and a hero.'"

Tears started to fall slowly as she handed the frame back to her son.

"Mom, does this mean Uncle Tim is a superhero like Batman now?" Jake asked.

Sarah nodded, smiling at the child's innocence, "Yeah…but your Uncle Tim was even better than Batman."

"Really? That's amazing."

Someday Sarah knew that her son would ask what that quote really meant about his uncle and she would answer, saying it described her brother perfectly…

x-x

A/N: The reason I chose not to include other characters when I wrote this because it was written mainly for me to enjoy and express how personal this story is to me. At the time I wrote it, I wrote with Ziva and Gibbs in mind more than anybody at the time.


End file.
